So, I haven’t posted in a while. I’ve been focusing on other illnesses that I’ve been diagnosed with. You see, I have several rare diseases that cause me horrific pain and disability. I unfortunately suffer on a daily basis. It’s a miracle just for me to get out of bed and walk in my life each day. Well, my conditions have gotten worse and my prognosis is not good. I’ve been trying to process the truth about my health and how it affects my family and friends. I’m sad, but I know God is going to use my life as an example of hope and love for others.
The DID has taken a backseat in my life for now. I’ve been integrated enough to not be distracted by my alters. It’s like they are all united in focusing on others aspects of my life and I am grateful. I don’t have negative or destructive voices challenging me on a daily basis.
I give God all of the glory for my integrations and healing. It was not a psychologist or psychiatrist. It was not a person or pastor. It was God. It was Jesus and it was the Holy Spirit who brought me out of the chaos that DID can be. The thing is, there’s hope. There’s a Bible verse that reads, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But when desire is fulfilled, it is a tree of life. (Proverbs 13:12).”
We can’t defer our hope. We can’t just push it away and expect to remain healthy. Without hope we become lost and sick, stressed and overwhelmed. So, it’s simple, stay hopeful. How do we stay hopeful when life is crazy and stressful? How do we become integrated? How can we find peace and joy in life when all things seem impossible?
But Jesus looked at them and said, “With people [as far as it depends on them] it is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
Matthew 19:26, Amplified Bible
This verse doesn’t say “some things” it says “all things.” All things. And it’s true. I face a pretty scary future, but I can still have peace and joy during the suffering I endure. If I can experience wonderful things and enjoy a less chaotic life, so can you.
We are invisible. We are suffering though we look well. People don’t understand that we are using more energy than they are because we are trying to cope and do life. It’s harder for us and I’m asking friends and family members of “DID-ers” to give us grace.
Invisible Disabilities and Illnesses run rampant in America. We are dying from Heart Attacks, Strokes, Obesity, Cancer, Alzheimer’s and more. Nearly all of these illnesses are invisible. We have them, but we still look good. When we aren’t looking well, people chalk it up to just one of those days. We look normal, we don’t show any more symptoms than they do on any given day.
And, they think we are exaggerating, looking for pity or outright lying.
Our friends and family sometimes question our disorders, illnesses and/or disabilities. They say the doctors are diagnosing us just to keep us as patients and to fill us with expensive prescriptions. Then the shots about “big pharma” happen. We try not to feel bad for taking the medications they are shooting down—I just stopped telling people exactly what I take. They also offer homeopathic options that cost more than the prescriptions, and it’s hard to find someone to guide us on the supplement path.
The worst thing for me is that on top of the DID I have several other major illnesses that I must take medication for at this time in my life.
That was a rabbit trail.
Anyway, DID is an Invisible Disorder for me. I switch between alters so fast that even I can’t tell it’s happening. It’s not until some alters’ idiosyncrasies happen that I know who I am at that moment. And trust me, when I can’t tell no one else can either.
Now, all people have different faces or masks they wear for certain situations, which is a normal form of dissociation. People daydream getting lost in thought and do things like drive automatically and forgetting how they arrived at their destination.
Dissociation is normal.
There are just some of us who dissociated as children due to trauma and as a result we live with other personalities.
DID is real. We are not invisible.
I see you,
P.S.: Be visible by communicating how you are doing with loved ones.
Firstly, DID is not an illness, it’s a disorder like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Secondly, DID is an ingenious way the body and mind choose to cope in a traumatic situation. Finally, I will do my best to be transparent, honest, courageous, and loving in my posts.