No More DID Chaos

Photo by Daniel Hering on Unsplash

Hope Transcends More than We Can Imagine

So, I haven’t posted in a while. I’ve been focusing on other illnesses that I’ve been diagnosed with. You see, I have several rare diseases that cause me horrific pain and disability. I unfortunately suffer on a daily basis. It’s a miracle just for me to get out of bed and walk in my life each day. Well, my conditions have gotten worse and my prognosis is not good. I’ve been trying to process the truth about my health and how it affects my family and friends. I’m sad, but I know God is going to use my life as an example of hope and love for others.

The DID has taken a backseat in my life for now. I’ve been integrated enough to not be distracted by my alters. It’s like they are all united in focusing on others aspects of my life and I am grateful. I don’t have negative or destructive voices challenging me on a daily basis.

I give God all of the glory for my integrations and healing. It was not a psychologist or psychiatrist. It was not a person or pastor. It was God. It was Jesus and it was the Holy Spirit who brought me out of the chaos that DID can be. The thing is, there’s hope. There’s a Bible verse that reads, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But when desire is fulfilled, it is a tree of life. (Proverbs 13:12).”

We can’t defer our hope. We can’t just push it away and expect to remain healthy. Without hope we become lost and sick, stressed and overwhelmed. So, it’s simple, stay hopeful. How do we stay hopeful when life is crazy and stressful? How do we become integrated? How can we find peace and joy in life when all things seem impossible?

But Jesus looked at them and said, “With people [as far as it depends on them] it is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

Matthew 19:26, Amplified Bible

This verse doesn’t say “some things” it says “all things.” All things. And it’s true. I face a pretty scary future, but I can still have peace and joy during the suffering I endure. If I can experience wonderful things and enjoy a less chaotic life, so can you.

Spontaneous Integration

Photo by Hannah Busing on Unsplash

Who Knew?

I’m not like Sybil. Though I can forget things that I’ve done or said, my alters for the most part are co-conscious. I’m highly functioning, or what would be called Functional Multiplicity.

I was recently integrated some more — spontaneously. I wasn’t really trying to integrate, I just figured I would integrate if I was ready. I knew I was integrated more because the conversations in my head have become less erratic and anxious. There are literally fewer of “me” in my head. It’s really hard to explain, but I feel less weighed down by a large group. There are fewer arguments and questions in my head. I feel stronger and more sane, if that makes sense.

I asked my System who was integrated, and was told by one of my primaries, that my entire tertiary level of alters were integrated with my secondary alters. Now, I only have two levels in the hierarchical structure, and I feel great!

How did it happen? I let it go. I gave my situation over to God and kept living life as normally as I could in His strength and power for me.

The Bible says that all things are possible with Christ, and now I believe it more than ever.